All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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