i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
