he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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