He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
