how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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