Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
