I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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