Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Randomize
