What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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