My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
