I heard we made out
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
