i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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