I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
