Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
