How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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