Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
