Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
