Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
