I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
