hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
