Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
