guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
is it fun? or sober?
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