just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I am available for nakedness
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
