Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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