its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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