she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
