his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
