I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize