why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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