this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
