I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
