At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
