my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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