i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
