At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
