so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
