google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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