Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
