i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
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