R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
