True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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