In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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