Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
