I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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