dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
