Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Randomize
