you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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