he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
