Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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