you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
