Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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