can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
