I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
