i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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