I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
