Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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