you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
