12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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