just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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