My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
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i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize