from now on my penis is your penis
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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