guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
she peed on how many people?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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