the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
