textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
