You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
she pinky promised me she was 18
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
