i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
