my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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