yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
