R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
